Help! Call the Drs Office: A Coffee Story

coffee story

Coffee HAS been proven to have its perks, but what many of us don’t know or just deny is that it can have its downfalls as well.

Coffee has evolved from being just your regular Joe’s wake-up call to being a part of the white girl starter pack of the 21st century. While coffee is still America’s favorite way to start the day, your typical cup of Joe is not so typical anymore. What used to be a way to get your caffeine fix for the day or to keep type II diabetes away is now the way to get a sugar high (crash included) as well as what might as well be a plea for the disease. Nowadays, our generation has for the most part taken over the drink and transformed it into a sugary trend rather than a simple beverage. I myself am guilty of having swapped a lovely hot cup of coffee with the perfect amount of cream and sugar for an overdose on espresso shots and a shit ton of syrup, otherwise coined by our respected elders as “fufu coffee.” If that isn’t on Urban Dictionary yet, I promise it will be soon, with a definition of “the old people way of saying latte.” While I believed (in total denial of the truth) that coffee was good for you, which it is, I realized that our fufu coffee is disappointingly-but-kind-of-obviously not, and can actually be extremely harmful to health. I am here today with a firsthand account of how your shit ton of syrup and espresso can land you in the chair of a doctor’s office or even a dentist’s office… it can always happen to you, so just be cautious. Unless you’re going for a Courage the Cowardly Dog look, then maybe don’t be.

It always starts around the holidays. They get you by flavoring their drinks like your favorite holiday as a kid, or the scents you associate it with. For me, this is fall and winter—around the holidays. Nearly two years ago, I started drinking coffee super heavy when fall rolled around. Pumpkin spice this and salted caramel that. Then came that time before Christmas and while everyone around me was getting drunk off of eggnog, I was getting high off of chestnut praline. Though the holidays eventually came to an end, this patter continued nonstop and before I knew it, my boobs were starting to hurt. But not that brief pain that goes away after a little…I mean the pain was there to stay for a while. You’re probably wondering how that has anything to do with coffee as I wondered the same thing, but it so happened that when I went to get it checked out, I found out I had fibrocystic breast disease as a result of my caffeine intake. Woah. Now don’t worry, it’s non-cancerous and the lump(s) are small and can eventually go away if you take good care of yourself, but in some cases it can turn into a tumor and while I had never heard of it before. However, it’s actually not as uncommon as you think.

According to the website in which most people self-diagnose themselves with cancer when they just have a tension headache, 50% of women ages 19-40 get this at some point in their lives. I always have the misfortune of falling under that small percentage of people that bizarre and rare things happen to, so this was no surprise to me. But I truly was shocked to find out that the amount of caffeine I was drinking was the reason. I had heard of getting stomach ulcers as a result of too much coffee which I also ended up getting, but now caffeine was affecting my babies too? Uh-uh. Not to mention that I now have to slowly ween myself off but I can’t quit cold turkey and can’t drink decaf because of the massive migraines that accompany the decrease. As for the amount of sugar…it’s a no brainer what sugar does to your system. I am fatigued all the time. I never had a single cavity until I was 16 when I got 1, and now I’m 19 and recently had 6 fillings done. What’s worse is that now I’m always craving it…which has made it that much harder to stop. The point is—the saying is true. Too much of a good thing can in fact be a bad thing, so take time to appreciate that regular cup of joe and consider swapping out the sugar overload. Now have no fear, there are always other beverage options…but remember your health is the number one priority and the things we love can hurt us. And as for your Instagram cup selfies? That cute little cup can hold some nice hot peppermint tea and still look fabulous.